Titty bits of wisdom

These are just some of the little things I've picked up from my very own nurse midwife along the way. They are funny to hear and now I pass on said tid bits of wisdom...

1. Turns out you can be a little pregnant.

2. Pooping never became so public - just wait - you'll be talking about every BM you wish you'dataken. Oh and farting is half the fun...

3. The wish of having big boobs will soon be squashed by wishing they weren't sooooooo big - i mean come on, there has to be a happy medium some where here?

4. There is never a bathroom close enough.

5. Episiotomi? Episiotayou!

6. Dont buy clothes in a bigger size - just go to the maternity section and get the buffet pants!

7. You are the elected spokesperson for your kind. As a pregnant woman, you will become the spokesperson for all pregnant women. Your opinion on pregnancy, labor, birthing plans, pain relief during labor and generally anything vaguely to do with pregnancy will be sought, and comparisons between you and any other known pregnant women will be mandatory.

8. Swollen genitals. there, I said it! Of all the things other women won’t tell you about pregnancy, this is the big one. The amount of blood in your body increases by 50 percent during pregnancy, and this, combined with weight gain and fluid retention, can lead to swollen, sensitive genitals. My midwife referred to it as "getting juicy" which I found a little disturbing in itself, but seemingly incredibly accurate. Just like fruit ripening, as you grow into your pregnancy everything about your body gets softer, and looser and, well, juicier!

9. The list of foods - weird, exotic foods will become second nature to request and expect to be had at the drive through. 'What do you mean the Taco Bell drive through doesnt have freeto and anchovy covered bologna? Well then I'll just take ice cream and pickles...'

10. And finally - a mucus plug isnt like corking a bottle of wine.